Mystery substance coats village
Villagers throughout Yaxham woke up to an unusual white powder coating the environment, particularly parked cars and driveways.
Speculation was rife at first, with residents coming out of their front doors and talking to each other. “At first I thought it must be ash from a volcano,” said local villager Shawn Dwight, “but of course I realised it couldn’t be – Norfolk’s flat isn’t it? Now I’m thinking it’s probably fallout from a North Korean nuke. Blimey, I really should get the dog in.”
Although adults seemed uncomfortable with the situation, children were quick to understood the properties of the mystery substance with some forming it into spheres and other shapes.
In Jubilee Park, children intuitively began to sculpt a series of fat human figures. Others appeared concerned. “Oh yes, this is a sign, no doubt about it.” tutted local dog-walker Agnes Bittern, “And I think making all of those pagan figures will only make it worse.” she said, turning hastily toward St Peter’s church.
Following reports of teenagers in Diss lining the powder up and snorting it, police called for residents to act safely. “Our advice remains to stay indoors until this substance is identified.” said spokesperson Emma Tubbs to a hastily convened press conference, “Unfortunately we are having technical difficulties transporting it to the lab, as it appears to dissolve before we get there.”
The Head of Joint Transport Services took the unusual step of dispatching both of Norfolk’s patrol vehicles to investigate further.
Other drivers, however, remained unimpressed. “I’m already late after scraping whatever this is off my car”, said harassed father-of-three Alan Paddock, “but I can make up the time by driving faster than usual to work.”